L A Woman Read online

  “Yes, anything.”

  “Can you, once again, drag Marcus over to the office?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “How about if it’s good enough to get you authorized to break into whatever’s showing during prime time.”

  There was a half-second pause, then she said, “We’re coming.”

  **

  I filled them in and Emma showed she was a real pro. She had Marcus film her and kept me off camera. The Network’s source feed truck was outside and beaming the signal straight to all networks.

  She said, “We have information from reliable sources that Private Investigator Ronald Baca, who was earlier this day involved in the horrific shootout in Culver City, has discovered a missing cache of top secret materials. These materials were initially hidden from criminals who wished to sell them to known enemies of the United States. Mr. Baca hopes to keep them safe until such time as he can turn them over to the proper authorities, thus preventing a terrorist attack.” She expounded for another two minutes, then signed off.

  When she was through, I said, “Great job you two.”

  Emma said, “Now what do we do?”

  “You and Marcus can go back to the station.”

  “What about you?”

  “I expect to get a call here in a few minutes; meanwhile I need to keep moving so the authorities don’t find me too fast.”

  They left and a minute later, as I pulled out on the street my phone rang. I said, “Military terrorist equipment for rent or trade.”

  Berenko said, “Still the clown.”

  “You ready to trade Jett for what I’ve got?”

  “You’ll be happy to know I haven’t started working on her.”

  “Keep her that way and let’s get this done.”

  “If you try anything, she dies. Don’t bring anyone, don’t call anyone, understand.”

  “Just you and me, cowboy,” I said.

  Berenko said, “Continue driving the direction you are going. I’ll call you again in five minutes with further instructions.”

  “Keep Jett safe,” I said.

  “Do your part and she will be fine.” He hung up and I continued driving, gripping the wheel so hard my knuckles were white.

  Five minutes later, I stopped at a red light and the phone rang. Berenko said, “Make a U-turn and go the opposite way.” Click. So much for conversation. The U-turn was an easy way to see if I had any law enforcement help following me. I wasn’t risking Jett’s life, so he had no worry, but Berenko was thorough, so was taking no chances.

  Half an hour and three more U-turns later, Berenko called again and said, “La Brea Tar Pits, at the mammoths.” Click.

  “Oh heck yes,” I said out loud, “You bet, let’s meet at a place where killing’s been a regular occurrence for the last twenty frickin’ thousand years.”

  CHAPTER 17

  I parked along Wilshire and walked down so I could circle by the Page Museum and look things over as I went. The day was warm and the smell of asphalt from the tar pools carried over the area like it does on summer days when contractors re-tar roofs.

  I entered Hancock Park and followed the pathway that snaked through the grounds, going by plants and small gooey seeps and finally along the border of the largest pool, where a layer of water hid the dark asphalt underneath. Bubbles worked to the surface, sending golf ball-sized, rainbow-colored domes floating across the water.

  As I glanced over to one small inlet, I saw a dove struggling against the sticky trap that held it. That area had a dusting of leaves and dirt concealing the liquid asphalt, and that had been enough to fool the bird into landing. He would never get out. I hoped I’d have better luck.

  I followed the path and soon saw John Wesley standing by the large Mammoth sculptures at the edge of the pool. Berenko wasn’t there. Neither was Jett.

  He said, “You ain’t carryin’ the merchandise, podnah.”

  “Do you have body odor or something? Maybe halitosis? That the reason no one’s ever around you?”

  “Yore jokes are gonna get that girl killed.”

  “Where is she?”

  “She’s safe. Now where are the goods?”

  “They’re safe. Now where’s the girl?”

  He was mad. “I walk out of here empty handed, she’s dead. Entiendes, Baca?” He looked me up and down, “That means ‘Do you understand’ in Spanish. I wasn’t sure you’d get it, even if your name is Baca. Where you from, anyhow. You don’t look Mexican.”

  “My parents were from Bolognia. That’s in Europe, the big continent across the ocean. I wasn’t sure you’d get it. Europe I mean.”

  “Laugh it up,” He said, “Your smart mouth just signed her death warrant.”

  He turned to walk away and I waited, watching to see if he signaled anyone. He didn’t, so I put my hand in my pocket and took out a MAV.

  I spoke loud enough to get his attention, “Now let’s turn that frown upside down.” I held the MAV out to show him. “Just to prove I’m not fooling.” He came back.

  “Give it here,” He said. I put it in his hand. He took out a jeweler’s loupe and looked it over.

  “Where’s Jett?” I said.

  He put the MAV in a glassine envelope and stuffed it in his shirt pocket. He said, “You think we’re that stupid?”

  “Yes, I do think that.”

  “Well, we ain’t.”

  “Wow, amazing. What’s the next move here?”

  “Now we know for sure you’ve got ‘em, so you foller me and we’ll see about a horse trade. That is, provided you have the rest of ‘em.”

  “I’ve got them. Let’s go.”

  John Wesley gave me a little smirk, “Yeah, we probably need to, ‘cause Ajax was eyeing that filly real close, like he was getting’ antsy to be carvin’ on somethin’.”

  I said, “Knock off that fake hick accent. If I want to hear somebody talk like they’ve got a mouth full of horseshit, I’ll buy a Gabby Hayes DVD.”

  John Wesley’s lips thinned and he walked away. I caught up and walked side by side with him, forcing several teenagers off the walkway and onto the grass.

  I said, “Where are we going, in case I lose you in traffic.”

  John Wesley slow-motion turned his head and stared hard at me for several seconds, “You’re a real asshole,” he said with no accent, then looked straight ahead and kept walking. He had a good long stride, too. That made it a little hard to keep up but I did, just to aggravate him.

  John Wesley surprised me and didn’t go towards the parking lot but turned toward the museum. I said, “They’re inside?”

  He opened the door and went in first. I said over his shoulder to the lady, “My grandfather’s paying for both of us.” John Wesley stiffened, but he paid for us and we went in. I stopped him and said, “I need to know Jett’s okay. I showed you what you wanted, so let me see her.”

  He looked at me, then pulled out a phone and hit some numbers and said into the phone, “He wants to see her.” He hung up. We waited a few seconds and his phone rang. His ringtone was The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

  He hit the buttons and turned the phone towards me. “Take a look, asshole,” he said.

  The short video showed a big uni-browed guy leaning against a dark Mercedes. The back passenger window in the car was down and the cameraman walked forward to show a blindfolded Jett in the back seat. Her face below the blindfold was skinned and bruised. The cameraman said, “Say the day and the time.”

  Jett said, “I don’t know what day it is, and you’ve got me blindfolded with my hands handcuffed behind my back so I couldn’t see a watch if I had one. I know we’re in a parking lot by the La Brea Tar Pits because I can smell the asphalt, does that help?”

  The cameraman said the date and time, then the film ended.

  “That help you?” John Wesley said.

  I nodded. It helped a lot because now I knew where Jett was, that she was handcuffed, and that there were two guards on her. Great, so
now what?

  I followed John Wesley to a large display of Saber Tooth cat skulls set up near the front entrance. He pointed at the skulls and said, “You stay here.” He left, and I tried to ignite every synapse in my brain to figure out what to do.

  While I waited, I played with some of the big cat skulls. The display was hands-friendly and allowed visitors to move the jaws, demonstrating how wide the animal’s mouth had to open so it could use the six-inch long canines when bringing down prey.

  I felt a tap on my shoulder and Loomis, from the Seven-Eleven said, “Hey Ronny, I didn’t know you were into Smilodon, too.”

  “Loomis!” I said, “Am I glad to see you.”

  Loomis said, “Well, you could come by more often to visit. You know where I work.”

  “I will, I will. But right now, I need your help. It’s about…,” and I leaned close and whispered, “E.”

  Loomis’ eyes got big, making them enormous when viewed through the bottom-of-a-coke-bottle thick lenses of his eyeglasses. “What is it?”

  I said, “Don’t make it obvious, but do you see those three men off to my right? One of them’s a black man wearing a cowboy hat.”

  Loomis peeked over my shoulder and said, “I see them.”

  I said, “They’ve kidnapped a woman.”

  “Elvis isn’t a woman.”

  “I know, but this woman-“

  “E likes women a whole lot, but he doesn’t dress up in their clothes or anything.”

  “Loomis, please let me finish.”

  “Okay, but you sure ramble on a lot, Ronny. You should work on that.”

  “I will. Now, the woman is in trouble and I need for you to get something to her.”

  Loomis said, “I thought you said this was about Elvis.”

  “It is. They’re going to use her to lure Elvis in and trap him and…make him call down his alien friends and steal their Death Ray, just like you told me.”

  Loomis peeked at John Wesley and the others again. His nostrils flared and his cheeks flushed. He said, “We’ll see about that.”

  “So, you’re with me on this?”

  “You bet. What’s your plan?”

  I said, “The woman’s in a black Mercedes in the museum parking lot and there’s two men guarding her. I’m going to create a diversion and when I do, I need for you to drop this in the woman’s lap and tell her it’s a lock pick.” I handed him my lock pick, the one I always kept in my wallet. I made sure Ajax and his crew didn’t see me, then I said, “And after you do that, get away and hide.”

  “I could help the girl, or if I see E, I could warn him.”

  “No, too dangerous for everyone. This will do it, Loomis. You are the main hero here; your job is the most important. Get her the pick, okay?”

  “How will I know when to do it?”

  I said, “I’m going to draw their attention, so be watching.”

  Loomis pocketed the pick, “I will.

  Ajax, John Wesley, and a third guy who must be the muscle of the group approached me as Loomis walked towards the trio, giving them dirty looks as he passed.

  John Wesley glanced back at Loomis and watched him go out the museum doors. He said to me, “What’s with that weirdo?”

  I said, “I told him you three were here demonstrating as part of the ‘Down With Museums’ group. He donates every payday to the museum, so you can understand his agitation.”

  Ajax’s muscular henchman stepped to within three feet of me, flexing his torso to show how big and fierce he was.

  I said, “You must be Beaver Cleaver’s brother, right?”

  He said, “What?”

  “You’re the one they never put on TV. Your name’s Meat, right? Meat Cleaver.”

  That got a grin out of him. However, the Alpha crook of the bunch wasn’t happy with it. “Shut up with the funniness,” Ajax said.

  “Give me Jett and you’ll never hear another joke,” I said.

  “Give me the merchandise.”

  “No deal, Baldy. You give me Jett, and then I’ll get your weapons so you can destroy the world and make yourself happy.”

  John Wesley stepped close and said, “Do what he says, now, or kiss her goodbye.”

  I looked beyond them and out the glass doors. I saw the two men and the black shiny top of the Mercedes. Loomis lurked nearby.

  Ajax gave a nod to Meat and the big guy reached in my direction. I was ready and I snapped a hard front kick into Meat’s chest and knocked him into the saber tooth display. Several nearby women screamed.

  Meat crashed through the display and landed on his rear atop an upside-down skull. Four long, sharp inches of cat sabers stabbed deep into his right butt cheek. Another visitor yelled, “Oh, my god!”

  I was already moving after the kick and I reached John Wesley. I grabbed his shirt pocket and tore it off his chest. I had the MAV in my fist as I raced toward the front doors.

  Behind me, Meat screamed and jumped to his feet, causing the lower jaw, which was on top, to open and close, clacking down on his butt. This made Meat jerk, which made the jaws snap open and shut again. He ran in a bouncing circle yelling, “It’s biting me! It’s biting me!”

  I banged through the front doors to the outside. The two men by the Mercedes looked at me, and when Ajax came through the doors, followed by John Wesley, they ran for us, leaving the Mercedes unguarded.

  People started coming out of the museum and several others who were approaching the doors stopped and stared at us.

  Things got busy then and I didn’t see Loomis or the Mercedes for a while because John Wesley had a pistol stuck up my nose. He said, “Move one more time, you sonofabitch and I’ll kill you no matter what anybody says.”

  Ajax put his hand on the black cowboy’s shoulder and said, “You’ll get your chance, but when I say. I want you rich first.”

  John Wesley said, “Yeah, okay,” and put up his pistol.

  Ajax held out his hand in front of my face and said, “Give it to me.”

  I reached into my pocket then heard the sound of an engine racing and tires squealing.

  We all turned and watched the black Mercedes burning rubber out of the parking lot. The two men who had been guarding it stood big-eyed and sheepish, sneaking glances at Berenko.

  “Hard to get good help anymore,” I said, and then I hit John Wesley on the jaw and took off running.

  The two men who had been guarding the Mercedes chased after me, but I had too much of a head start and I was weaving among the parked cars. I finally lost them after I crossed Wilshire, then doubled back and hid in some shrubs.

  It was a good thing I hid because in the next twenty minutes I watched a lot of activity. An ambulance arrived at the Page Museum and two paramedics went in with a gurney and came out with Meat on it, lying facedown.

  The cat skull was still attached. They hit a bump and Meat’s head jerked off the gurney. I smiled. Two police cruisers showed up and the officers talked to people in the parking lot, and then went inside. There were also a half-dozen vehicles cruising the area and everyone in them was talking on their cell phones. Twice I watched Ajax talking on his as he drove by, with John Wesley in the passenger seat. Neither one looked happy.

  The police left, and when I thought things had settled down enough, I walked along Wilshire to Archie’s Corvette.

  The first thing I saw was that the trunk was sprung. I hurried to it and looked inside. The MAVs were missing.

  CHAPTER 18

  I underestimated Berenko. He’d known I was driving Archie’s Corvette, and had popped the trunk sometime after I parked it on Wilshire. I also knew that he would have an inside man run the plates to give him my friend Archie’s name and home address. Berenko probably knew where everyone I cared about lived and worked.

  “Way to go smart guy,” I said to myself. My move today put every friend I had in danger, not to mention putting the MAVs in criminal hands. I had delivered the weapons on a plate to Berenko.

  As I drove, I call
ed CIA Agent Harris.

  Harris said, “You were at the Page Museum today, weren’t you?”

  “Yes, and Berenko got the MAVs.”

  “Shit! Damn it Baca, I told you-“

  “I know, but you need to do everything you can to find Berenko before he gets those things out of the city.”

  Harris was quiet for a few seconds, “Yeah. I’ll put out BOLO’s with all the agencies and we’ll blanket the airports and marinas and major highways out of town and anything else I can think of.”

  “Good,” I said.

  Harris said, “You’re up shit creek on this.”

  “I know. Catch Berenko, then come get me. I’ll be around.”

  “I will.”

  I drove the Corvette to Gaylord’s shop so they could repair the trunk.

  Gaylord said, “Holy crap, Baca, do you ever drive a car that you don’t damage? Not that I’m complaining. All your business let me and my wife sign up for that world cruise we’ve always wanted.”

  I was feeling really bummed out, “Can you fix it and drop it off with Archie? I’ll pay.”

  “Sure, I can get it to Arch.”

  I looked at him and made a small cough. “Do you think you might have…?”

  “Oh, Ohhhh! You want another loaner. I shoulda known.” Gaylord shook his head, “Okay, since you’re so good for business.” He tossed me some keys and said, “The GTO’s in back. You wreck it, don’t bother bringing it back, just go ahead and hang yourself from the nearest tree.”

  I drove the GTO to the office and started to unlock the door when I noticed it was already unlocked. Inside, Jett stood behind Hondo, reworking a white bandage on his head while he sat at his desk loading bullets into clips for his pistol.

  She stopped and came around the desk, put her arms around my neck and kissed me on the lips. “You are one amazing guy,” she said.

  I pointed at Hondo, “How about him? Should I start calling him Lazarus?”

  Hondo said, “It wasn’t as bad as it looked.”

  “Sure,” I said, “having a blade of steel stuck in your back, that’s nothing.”

  “It caught on my ribs. Went in less than an inch.”

  I touched my own head and said, “And your noggin?”